In this post I will be sharing a preview of a workshop I’m giving to a few events on sexual objectification & training. In this instance we are defining sexual objectification fairly literally, that being (a) the act of treating a person as an instrument of sexual pleasure; (b) broadly implies treating a person as a commodity or an object.
The caveat is that none of the above should occur without full and enthusiastic consent. In other words we are paying careful and mindful attention to the fact that we are dismissing the third common definition – (c) often without regard to others personal dignity or emotional experiences.
As a result, sexual objectification play is much more suited as an activity within a defined scene than a part of a 24/7 lifestyle. This is due to the risk that a habit can develop where the Dominant forgets that the submissive must be a willing participant.
Consensual sexual objectification is less concerned with the immediate feelings or experience for the sake of providing or achieving a sense of value through utility. Participants in BDSM and the objectification kink cannot fully remove all elements of self-agency and responsibility without the risk of it turning into abusive and unhealthy behaviors. As a result, even objectification still must be consensual activity, though it can be very blurry (i.e. edge-play and/or Total Power Exchange).
As a result, this type of activity requires invoking a certain suspension of disbelief in having this role insisted on or subjected upon the submissive or bottom even though they are a willing participant, has negotiated proper opportunities and boundaries, and can cease such activities with the appropriate safe word.
There are many types and variants on sexual objectification. Most often the focus is on the use or attributes which defines the object, versus the experience (since objects don’t have experiences). Common types include:
- Role: bimbo/himbo, personal slut, sex slave
- Toys & Parts: fuck doll, live dildo, T&A, etc
- Degradation: party favor, house slut, performer/entertainment
So what is the attraction? First we must acknowledge that the benefits people receive in sexual objectification are quite subjective to those involved. That said, the most often expressed benefits include a clear sense of role & purpose (utilitarian); the feeling of being removed guilt or shame; and a lighter conscious knowing that matters of safety and care are left to the one in control.
Sexual objectification is often no different in other forms of objectification in that the submissive or bottom will often experience being “turned on by turning off” – shutting off the brain, silencing the chatter, and allowing themselves to go into a state of dissociation (sub-space) and just “enjoy the ride”.
Note how these benefits often are about subverting the sense of personal agency to the whim of another’s control as a means to fulfilling desires or fantasies. As such, sexual objectification is a very focused practice in power exchange – the Owner of the object, and the owned as the object, which exists for the enjoyment and use of the Owner.
All Good in Theory
As with many elements of BDSM and fetish activities, much sounds like a good idea in theory. I have found this to be particularly true of sexual objectification. Indeed, the reality of such play may be vastly different that of your imagination. As a result, all parties involved need to be mindful that something can (and likely will) go awry in practice.
All those involved must be prepared to plan for setbacks and triggers, as such events are nearly inevitable, and adapt accordingly. Change and re-evaluation is an eventuality, not a possibility. This is largely because of the potential emotional risks involved in any kind of edge play, especially ones that are deeply psychological. Key risk factors and setbacks include significant disillusionment; the loss of confidence or security in the relationship; prior abuse & PTSD triggers; mismatched pace or desire of progression (rushing); or finding deep contradictions in core values & beliefs.
As such, it is extremely important to strike a balance between the rewards and risks. All those involved must be adaptable and ready to recognize challenges and change to help address issues. In some cases that means taking a step back, while in others it may be re-negotiation as new limits may be uncovered. Only thoughtful communication and discussion will help you surmount these moments and potentially adjust to them.
Depending on how well this post is received I may continue with a “part 2” will be looking at a methodology which describes a framework for how to actually train someone in this role. If you want to see part 2 make sure you rate the post and like/share through social media so we know you want more. 😉
For now, I will leave you with the strong suggestion that many things seem like a good idea at the time, and are exciting to entertain within the mind or bedroom on occasion. Taking it further, however, requires significantly more investment of time and attention to ensure everyone is on the same page. This means careful consideration of needs, wants, and limits; constantly evaluating and communicating; and being very adaptable and forgiving when things go off the intended path.
That said, if you find enough common working ground, you can find deep satisfaction and excitement as you explore hidden needs and unlock them through sexual objectification.
– Sir Vice
© Limits Unleashed 2017