In my prior post on Sexual Objectification Pt.1 I provided a high level introduction to what it is, why people do it, and some things to think about in terms of starting your exploration. In this Part 2 writing I’m going to dive more into the Training aspect. How does one train a submissive (or prepare if you are a submissive) for sexual objectification play and conditioning. The methodologies in the following are typically key elements in sexual objectification training, which in no way is standardized. Everyone has their own way of doing things. The below is presented in order of what I have found useful, but is subject to interpretation and the fit and response of those involved.
Before you even start the training, you have to try to get a full appreciation of the page on which everyone rests. If you haven’t read my post on Negotiation & Consent, I strongly advise you do so before proceeding.
To review, Negotiation requires active participation by all parties to constructively and collaboratively build a framework of success. This means being able to openly discuss desires, needs, limits, and potential solutions. Sexual objectification training should therefore begin with an assignment for all to outline a history of inspiration or desire for this activity – What influences brought you here to desire to explore this aspect of yourself? Itemize the desires, fantasies, wants and needs in one list. Similarly, you should also itemize potential triggers, traumas, restrictions, or limitations. For both of these lists it’s important to then prioritize by “forced ranking” – meaning each category can only have one number one or top priority. This helps to reduce conflict resolution between wants, needs, and limitations.
Only once this is accomplished can you hope to sit down to compare & contrast ones desires with the limits, both for yourself (no matter what side of the power dynamic you are on) as well as between those involved. This is when you start to work to find solutions as a cooperative team with the goal of developing something that is mutually satisfying.
Once everyone has a common understanding and goal, it takes some planning to get there. Achieving any goal or destination requires some degree of active planning, at least at a high level or outline format. This is to help ensure progress is taken in measured steps, and that all involved are ready for the next step once signs are clear. As in Negotiation, there needs to be ongoing discussion about readiness, comfort levels, and if the goals remain valid. Remember that change is inevitable, especially as progress is made, and one has to adjust accordingly.
Execution and planning is largely up to Dominant/Owner in the relationship, having drafted at least a rough plan or road-map with Indicators that things are on the right track. The submissive must provide feedback & input, so a calm “sit down” is required prepare the submissive mentally and help remind them this is something that they accepted and are actively responsible for choosing to support.
Activity Inspires Desire
In general, activity inspires desire, meaning that the more you employ your possession, the more they typically respond. Increased use will often lead to a Pavlovian conditioning by activating body and mind through regular demands and stimulation. Human beings are adaptable in order to survive, but not always easily so. Like building physical muscle, you have to ask more of it in order to build the capacity to accommodate the demand. This includes things like various forms of stimulation expectation, response conditioning, and eventually on-command training.
Because most submissives wish to please, and a sexual toy or object is no different (how else are they to realize their utility?) it is very important to offer praise when the sub is responding to the training. Praise is essential for observing changes in sexual appetite, reaching orgasm, ejaculation, complying with a use or demand, and active (or pro-active) participation. Pleaser types are more responsive to the carrot than the stick – usually. For insight into the mindset of many submissives, see my post on Asking & Fear.
Intensity & Control
Once conditioned to respond, constant use becomes predictable. As such one needs to intensify use through building sexual tension, feelings of suspense, even lack of use. One needs to disrupt the rhythm in order to add to the intensity. There is no brightness without experiencing the shadow, so contrast is required to help highlight the response and value from use. One can accomplish this with periods of abstinence, edging, ad hoc “quickies”, public sexual simulation (without release), and others.
This is a form of control via removing the submissive’s sense of personal agency and self-control. The more the submissive is likely to be used at any time, the more likely they become compliant and remain fully “on alert” and desirous. Of course, you cannot do this without slowly ramping up the level of control. You can exhibit control through general appearance & dress, dictated use (when and where), forced orgasm, using some spontaneous variety and/or innovation, etc. Essentially you want to get to a place that says the sexual object is to be used by any and all (negotiated) means, at any time or place. Again, within the confines of the negotiated and consensual terms.
Note that the above introduces selective chaos by creating patterns and then disrupting them. We break the pattern to add to the suspense, we add tension by adding measures of interruption or uneven rhythm. The purpose is to stimulate desire while conditioning to be “always ready” since the when is never quite known. While surprise can build anxiety, if carefully employed gradually over time, it can greatly enhance progress.
Assess & Revise as Needed
Pushing the envelope of progression too far & too fast will cause problems, setbacks, or relationship failures. All involved need to keep communication channels open and have regular “touch base” conversations. Avoid giving in to frenzy or over-ambitiousness and trying to speed things along, as this will often lead to a catastrophic failure. Cautious pacing is needed, as well as the need to remain adaptable. Sometimes a step back is required to evaluate where someone is emotionally, physically, or otherwise. The more we respect the truth that everyone processes their inner world experiences differently and at different rates, the less firm out expectations are and the more flexible we can be to a given situation. The benefit of being “soft” is that we can respond with grace under pressure and allow progress to resume, even if modified. What is too resolute and hard in its ways will often break.
Bear in mind broken toys are no fun, and leaving wreckage is irresponsible at best. If we can accept the reality as it happens, then we can manage the consequences more readily and appropriately. Managing the consequences (versus the intent) means working collaboratively, being clear in communication, and honesty with yourself and with all others. Other than just managing the situation, we have to show compassion – care for another’s wellbeing. Keep in mind to prioritize safe & healthy practices which will not damage or harm yourself or others physically or emotionally. Take care of yourselves, of one another, and remember this is only a Part of your life, not the whole of it.
Sexual objectification focuses on use & utility, and while very exciting a notion, it often can sounds better in theory than in practice. Be very honest about wants, needs, limits & risks, and focus on collaborative negotiation constructively for everyone’s success. Bear in mind this is a form of conditioning, so take your time, there’s no need to rush, and being able to move forward at all is better than having to abandon ship entirely. Since sexual objectification training is like any edge-play, there are increased risks inherent – be adaptable, flexible, and able to change as needs arise.
– Sir Vice
© Limits Unleashed 2017