There are fetishes which are quite common, and certainly many more which are unusual for many of us. This post will explore some of the challenges when dealing with a fetish that is uncommon, impractical, or impossible to fully satisfy. As per usual, this post is not meant to be comprehensive or authoritative, but rather to provide a foundation of information for further consideration and research by individuals according to their own needs & interests.
What is a fetish? For the sake of this post, we are first and foremost referring to the sexual fetish. However the primary meanings are quite intertwined, so let’s look at the definition more closely first.
According to Merriam-Webster, the use of the word fetish first appeared in English in the early 17th century, referring to objects (often amulets) believed by certain West Africans to have supernatural powers. During the 19th century, the word took on a broader meaning: “an object of irrational devotion or reverence.” The object need not be physical: a person may have a fetish for an idea, such as an unwarranted belief that a particular economic system will solve society’s ills. By the early 20th century, fetish took on yet another meaning quite distinct from its antecedents: a sexualized desire for an object (such as a shoe) or for a body part that is not directly related to the reproductive act (such as an earlobe).
So the current definitions are primarily:
- a material object believed to have magical power to protect or aid its owner; objects regarded with superstitious or extravagant trust or reverence
- an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion
- an object or bodily part whose presence (real or fantasied) is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification; an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression
Kink vs Fetish
Just to establish a common framework I’m going to very briefly define kink and fetish. When reviewing common definitions, a Fetish is a form of sexual desire in which gratification is significantly tied to a particular part of the body, object, clothing, etc. with a disproportionate level of intensity or response; an object or body part which receives obsessive devotion or irrational reverence. See also Fascination. Examples: hair, toes, ear lobe, breasts, penis, leather, latex, rubber, shoe, glove, mask, spatula… etc.
The difference between this and Kink is that the sexual arousal or fascination is typically an exception to the cultural normative; a peculiarity or deviation in sexual behavior, activity, or preference. So a fetish is something for which we have a fascination with strong sexual significance, while a kink is really based on the context of being non-normative from a cultural perspective (and thus obviously differs depending on where and when you are as regional history plays a significant role in defining cultural context.
So while a fetish may be a kink, it’s not a kink if its association is normally attributed as sexual
Below are a few examples of common and uncommon sexual fetishes, according to various media sources. By no means is this meant to be comprehensive or authoritative, but rather provide some context for the purpose of this post.
Common Sexual Fetishes
Uncommon Sexual Fetishes
The difficulty with having one or more of these uncommon sexual fetishes is that there are complications in trying to satisfy them. This can lead to significant frustration, emotional distress, and certainly sexual frustration.
Some fetishes have been clearly prohibited by laws in various countries, territories, provinces or states. For example, Bestiality (sexual attraction to animals), Pedophilia (sexual attraction to prepubescent children), Vorarephilia (arousal to eating another person’s body parts) are commonly outlawed activities and widely held as taboo by most societies. Other highly common activities, such as spanking (as it is considered the hitting of another) may be common enough but still considered illegal in certain states or countries, no matter how consensual. Furthermore, the use or even possession of some tools/gear used in BDSM and fetish practices can also be illegal (knives, needles, and even sex toys). At the time of this writing, here are some examples rather odd sexuality laws in various US states:
- Alabama: illegal to make or sell any object that simulates human genital organs
- Arizona: illegal to possess more than two dildos in the same house
- Georgia: all sex toys are prohibited by law
- Indiana & South Dakota: having a public erection is illegal
- Pennsylvania: all oral or anal sex is illegal
- Texas: illegal to own more than six dildos (yet no limit on guns)
Furthermore, in the 2016 the Virginia federal court ruled (Doe v. Rector & Visitors of George Mason University) that there is no constitutional right to engage in BDSM play in America. While no US laws currently criminalize BDSM, it’s still a crime to harm others, regardless of whether they consent.
For those outside the USA struggling to make sense of the above, please bear in mind that the US constitution establishes the rights of states. This was to prohibit the power of the federal government from growing too strong and usurping the rights of a people within their respective state. As a result, each state has its own statues according to their set of values as established by each states constitution. While the constitution of the US is about 4,500 words, the average state constitution typically exceeds 8,500 words. If you are still wondering why each state would forms such laws, the answer is this – the bible.
To keep abreast of updates to kink and the law, see more on the NCFS website.
There are fetishes which cannot be experienced directly, no matter the means or method, because they are otherwise physically impossible to achieve. For those with extreme macrophilia and crushing fetishes, it’s not realistic to have a 50-foot woman crush you instantly. For these impractical fetishes significant use of visualization, trance, hypnosis, and various other mental tricks are the only way to approach an experience which cannot otherwise happen in reality. Certainly another eagerly anticipated development is the promise of virtual reality. While largely restrained to the realm of visual experiences, the promise of technology provides a glimmer of hope that one day they may find a reasonably satisfying fully immersive experience.
Attempting to satisfy certain fetishes may present the individual with certain moral dilemmas. While technically legal, they defy social conventions or even their own deeply held personal beliefs. This creates dissonance between ones morale compass competing with their sexual attractions. Example, a fetish such as Feederism (feeding & being fed by another to encourage weight gain) has multiple aspects to arousal including control, transformation, smothering/asphyxiation, etc. However the negative health implications and impact can certainly create a conflict within an individual’s competing goals or drivers – caring for a healthy submissive while feeding them into obesity…
Coping & Solutions
Some fetishes are certainly much more easily satisfied than others. A latex fetish is quite feasible assuming you have the means to afford the outfits, and don’t have a latex allergy. However, having your body completely and entirely shoved into a giant woman’s vagina and used like a dildo is just not possible. As such, there are coping skills and solutions one must develop to manage and deal with these fetishes. The key with coping strategies stems from just about every other method for finding tools and tricks – finding all you can find and figuring out which combination works best for you.
- Situational – build a story to the scene that will help fill in the gaps, preserve the immersion in imagination, and intensify applied experiences.
- Commonality – look at the other aspects of a particular fetish and leverage those as part of building the experience (e.g. crushing fetish shares elements of heavy pressure, immobilization, erotic asphyxiation, etc.)
- Visualization – use detailed descriptions to immerse the bottom, sometimes providing them, sometimes prompting them to provide those details for you.
- Environmental – is the space conducive to the experience? Use color, brightness, temperature, etc., constructively to foster or advance the experience you seek.
- Hypnosis – can your play partner use trance or hypnosis to help your mind create the scene? Remember that everything we experience is ultimately processed and related by the brain.
- Sensory – intensify the experience by tricking the senses using pressure, tactile stimulation, sounds, and taste – use the all of the senses to lead the mind and amplify the imagination.
Struggling with unusual, impossible, or taboo fetishes can be a difficult challenge to address. It can lead to feelings of isolation, emotional pain, and a deep dissatisfaction for one’s life overall. Coping with this challenge is, like any psycho-emotional struggle, an effort that requires equal parts research and creative thinking to find a responsible and satisfying solution. Bear in mind that like most efforts, it’s not about getting it perfect, but close enough so that you can derive some satisfaction, and learning other ways to develop the experience over time.
Copyright 2018 Limits Unleashed