This writing comes to us from my slave, so its another view from the s-side of the slash. In the below she discusses having to safe-word during a presentation we were giving. Before you jump to any conclusions, read the below and take a moment to consider how use of a safe-word, any safe-word, is an invitation to communication and connection – not the end of it.
“Hey, did you really safe word while you were demo bottoming?” i’ve had a few people ask me this since December’s Naughty Noel weekend.
Why yes, i did in fact choose to safe word during Sir Vice’s “Going Primal” presentation; and no, i’m not sorry i did it; and no, He’s not upset that i did it. Using the safe word wasn’t something either of us intended to have happen, nor is it something that has happened before, but yes it did happen this time.
Even though we’ve done this presentation many times before, Sir Vice lets the demo portion evolve organically. We have been in a long term Master/slave relationship for several years and are open with each other about discussing any changes in our consent boundaries. That being said, He still knows that i really hate being tickled, but at the same time i’ve never put it on my hard or even soft limit list … it just goes into the “i don’t like it” category.
In previous versions of this presentation, the demonstration part has usually been either grabbing / biting types of play or more along the lines of take-down predator/prey types of rough-play. For whatever reason, this time He decided that once He had me on the mat, tickling was the way He wanted to torment His property, and that’s totally fine, as i wrote above, He did not violate any of my stated limits. When we did our pre-scene negotiation during the presentation my only request was to go easy on my left arm as i was recovering from an unrelated nerve issue; and He did honour that request.
So then, why did i safe word? i wasn’t in danger of injury, no limits had been crossed, no consent had been violated. Why call red? Because i was at the end of what i could handle at that day and time, with where my head and physical being was at, and when that happens my options are to use my safe word or to tap out. When you are using your hands to try to avoid being tickled, the safe word works much more effectively.
i’ve had some people ask why i “didn’t just ask Him to stop”… but that’s exactly what using my safe word does. It is not an accusation of poor behaviour on His part; it’s not something to be ashamed of on my part; it is the accepted way to say i am at my limit and need this to stop. As an educator, both in and out of the lifestyle, i think it’s important to model the behaviour we are trying to teach others about. i can count on one hand the number of times i’ve needed to safe word during our time together and this was the first time ever while i was His demo bottom, but it was the right decision for me then and i don’t regret doing it.
Copyright Limits Unleashed 2019